Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
