hotel room ftw
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
