singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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