I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
