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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
is that a dick in a sweater?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize