3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
