you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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