Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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