Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize