i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
