Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize