I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize