i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
