Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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