This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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