I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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