hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
