Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
