operation harelip BJ is a go
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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