While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
