we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
