No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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