If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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