once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I want is dick and wine.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
