dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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