She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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