you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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