Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize