It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize