You smell like stripper and shame
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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