They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize