it wasn't lemon gatorade
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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