oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
