Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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