What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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