that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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