I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
