i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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