yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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