she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
