Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
