As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
