So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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