STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
