So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
