Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
