you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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