I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Green mimosas i think yes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
