So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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