i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
