I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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