there was a trapeze. enough said
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
