Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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