and you said cock pushups were impossible
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
