i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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