i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
