haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
