I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
