YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I just put wine in my tea
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
