dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
