Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
