so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
