Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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