I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize