I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
