Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize