tell your sister to shave her snatch
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize