Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
