Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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