I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
