I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
