If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
