i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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