You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dicks are not precious.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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