when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
don't judge my taste in strippers
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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