im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Drunk is a universal language darling
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